Glitter in the Air

"Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care?" ~ Pink, Glitter in the Air

I posted this lyric on Facebook today and a friend of mine wrote glitter = fear, just sayin... I sat and looked at that and thought, "Maybe that's why I love that song so much and maybe that's why that lyric means so much to me..."

Fear... Everyone has fears - some rational and some irrational. I have them - just like everyone else, and i used to pride myself for "feeling the fear and doing it anyway."

I moved to San Francisco when i was 19 and the only people i knew were the people i worked with and my roommate (who turned out to be a nut case) and i loved every minute of living there... I'm not going to say that i wasn't scared because i was, but i looked fear in the face and said, "I just don't care." From San Francisco, i moved to Orlando, FL and then to Portland, OR - each time only knowing 1 or 2 people when i moved. Fear was something i didn't have - i did things my friends were too scared to do because they didn't know anyone or they "couldn't" move away...

Fast forward to November, 2009... My husband is offered a job in Virginia... Virginia?! That's so far from my mom and dad!!! OMG - i can't go THAT far away from home... What about the kids? I don't know anyone in Virginia! It's cold there in the winter! The fear is closing in on me day by day, minute by minute... We decide against Virginia. Whew! Dodged that bullet! How was i supposed to know that was "the tip of the ice burg?"

Now it's December 2009 and my husband's company has offered him a job in Lawton, OK for less money than he's making in Vegas... I sit at his company's Christmas party and he tells me that the VP of the company has told him he should "take the job." Lawton, Oklahoma?! I was hoping for somewhere cool like San Diego, not Lawton, Oklahoma... I don't know anyone there, and from what i'd heard at that point in time, it was crazy cold there in the winter, and what do people do in Oklahoma??

2 weeks later (and 3 days before Xmas), i watch my belongings get piled into a trailer, ready to be on their way to Oklahoma... Here goes my fistful of glitter!! But wait, leaving still hasn't set in yet... 5 days from packing our stuff in a truck, we pile the kids, dog, Xmas presents, and ourselves in the Tahoe... This is it!! I'm looking fear right in the face, and damn, i'm scared!! Tears fill my eyes as i wave goodbye to my mom and dad and my childhood home... You can do it!! Throw that fistful of glitter! Look fear in the face and do it!

We made it to Lawton, OK on Jan. 2, 2010. It's now the end of May, and i can honestly say that i haven't been this happy in a long time... Other than my husband, i know a family that has a son my sons age. I have a garden that i take care of and flowers that i have planted that i take care of... I love that i can look out my back window and see a herd of buffalo across the way and that in the morning, i can open my back door and enjoy the fresh air and send my kids out in the yard and let them play for hours.

This move has been amazing for me. I've done a lot of soul searching, and found that all the things i thought i was going to miss in Vegas are right here with me... I have my family and i'm slowly making friends, and i'm finding things that my family can do together other than watching a TV show or a movie! I enjoy playing outside with the kids and dancing around my kitchen as i cook dinner for the family... Throwing that fistful of glitter was the best thing i've done for myself in years!!!